This message is titled “Dealing With The Elephant In The Room”....
In 1814, Russian author Ivan Krylov wrote a fable or parable, entitled "The Inquisitive Man" which tells of a man who goes to a museum and notices all sorts of tiny things, but in the process fails to notice a huge elephant that fills up the middle of the museum. And with that story, the phrase "elephant in the room" was born. It has come to symbolize those situations where there’s an obvious truth or problem that is being ignored and going unaddressed and unresolved. We all know that awkward feeling that comes with having an elephant in the room.... One day a diver was enjoying the under water world 20 feet down and he noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear at all. The diver went downanother 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few and moments later. The diver went down still another 25 feet, but soon , the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk board, and wrote, "How on earth are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?" The other guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "It should be obvious, I’m DROWNING, YOU FOOL!!!" My title has to do with ignoring the obvious... It is about the failure of those who can make a difference but who choose to do nothing and by doing nothing they actually allow the problem to continue or become even worse .... It happens in government, it happens in businesses, it happens in homes, in friendships, and it happens in the church.
People don’t just fall out of faith in Christ, it happens in little steps, and one decision at a time. How many times could intervention occur as those small steps are taking place which could avoid a major intervention processes, but it was all about an elephant in the room which got ignored.
So the “Elephant in the room” is something everyone may know about, but no one is willing to do something about it...because we want to avoid confrontation which may upset someone.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can give guidance to those in any trouble,with the instruction we ourselves have received from God”.
My son David called Thursday night and said that they were at meeting and their battery died. Someone gave them a jump to get to where they could buy one. As the guy was installing the battery, they were talking about the condition of the world, and asked him “How do you feel about all that is happening”... the guy said, “I just need some peace”.... Well they told him how to have peace, prayed with him to receive Jesus, and turn his life over to Him. The guy said, “I think I need to start going to church, and reading my bible” They told him to start with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd
John and he said, “I’m taking my family to church this Sunday”. When our families have left God out of their lives and feel that they’re fine without Christ or Christianity.. or even more incredible, they believe there can be the benefits and blessings of Christianity without Christ....“There’s a big elephant sitting in center of the home that is begging to no longer be ignored”....
When folks begin to compromise a little here and a little therethey don’t even realize that it has now become embedded in theirway of life, and they know better but they just ignore and avoid the truth.... and it becomes “an elephant in the room”....
A big problem with the elephant in the room is that it’s always someone else’s job to deal with it, and someone else never does....
Elephants are messy.... I mean just one digestive cycle can leave quite a mess... And they bump into things and knock things over. They leave a lot of collateral damage behind them in order to function. And they will continue to wreck lives, destroy homes, and weaken the church if they are allowed to be the loose cannons that they always are!
Everyone ends up being affected by their mess, and folks try to avoid being pulled into it... they navigate around it.... refuse to deal with it.... they hide from it... sweeping it under the carpet... but ultimately you will always end up stepping in it, till you deal with it!!
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:5 “Love does not dishonor others, it does not demand its own way”.... That’s what the elephant in the room does... it dishonors others with its mess and it demands its own way.... everyone else is expected to navigate their way around it....
Someone said that “just because you disagree with someone doesn’t give you the right to disrespect or dishonor them”....
Superficial love, manipulated love, forced loved, and fleshlylove… are embedded with conflict, drama, anger, rejection, pride, and compromise, and they will always do anything to avoid “the elephant in the room”; but real love, pure love; the kind of love that keeps families strong, friendships healthy and churches thriving, will take the risk of addressing the underlying issues, so that the looming disaster and its casualties can be avoided down the road.
Another name for the Elephant in the room is SELFISHNESS... It’s when what one person’s wants, supersedes the needs of everyone else. Sometimes it's blatant and in your face, and other times, its subtle and manipulative.
Selfishness breeds selfishness. So, lets say, I’m selfish, which forces Winnie to be selfish in order for her needs to be addressed, which motivates the kids to be selfish to get their needs met. And the more we allow selfishness to be the ruling force in our relationship, our families, or in our church, the more permanent the damage that is done, and a culture of selfishness is developed, which always implodes upon itself.
Selfishness dishonors and devalues others, and destroys the presence of peace. In a marriage, it’s all about what you want or need. In parenting, you selfishly prioritize your time. With your siblings, its what you want without regard for others. With your church family, it’s all about me…and what I want and what I need....the church is here for me…And little by little, the stress, the tension, the pent up anger, and the growing distance between folks begins to takes its toll on everyone.
Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage.”
It's about where our values are.... We can be so focused on our rights that we fail to value compassion, honor and loyalty above our rights. I have the right to be happy, but not at someone else’sexpense. I have the right to defend myself, but not the right to get revenge. I have the right to freedom as long as it doesn’t trample on the freedom of others.... Too many families and churches, and lives, have been ripped apart because someone had to be right. 1 Peter 5:5 “Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” John 3:30 “He must increase, but I must decrease.” Matthew 20:26 “Whoever would be greatest among you must be your servant.” When we accept Jesus’ invitation to come walk with Him, what does that look like, where is that going to take us, and what will change in the way we live?
1 Corinthians 6:12 “All things are permissible unto me, but all things are not expedient (or profitable) all things are permissible for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any but Christ.”
We live in a dangerous world, and we can see with the situation in Ukraine, that there will always be forces in the world that want to push you into their mold. But it shouldn’t take a crises or national emergency for Christians to be Christian....
If you don’t deal with the Elephant in the room, it will begin to demand things of you, in order to maintain it’s power and justify its existence...The elephant knows it’s an interloper but believes that no one will finally deal with it...so it will taunt you and accuse you... Dealing with the “Elephant in the room” Takes commitment ...It’s so easy to see what everyone else needs to do, and to tell everyone else what they need to do, because there’s no personal commitment in that...
Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation takes place...."Hello?"....."Honey, It's me." "Oh, hey Sugar!"...."Are you at the club?"...."Yes, I sure am." ....”Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1,500"....."Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."...."Ahhh, thank you sweety, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2022 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year, well, you know..." "What price did he quote you?"....."Only $85,000!"....."Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."....."Great, honey! Before we hang up, something else."......"What now?"..... "It might seem like a lot dear, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, and it’s beachfront property..."....."How much are they asking?"....."Only $850,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover it easily..."....."Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $820,000, OK?"...."Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"...."OK, Bye, Bye." The man hangs up the phone, lays it down, looks around and asks aloud, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?" It’s easy to make decisions, if it’s someone else’s commitment....
Offences can be the elephant in the room....You’ll start keeping a scorecard.... “I can’t believe how my brother treated me this last Thanksgiving. How my spouse did me last month. How my child did me. How my parents refused to help me. How thatperson at church offended me by what they said or did. Can you believe what my pastor said!”
Elephants can become very heavy if you continue to ignore them, and tolerate them, and they can wear you out spiritually, as well as physically... It’s hard to carry them around. And the next thing you know you have allowed an attitude of resentment, feelings of bitterness and anger, pride, and all kinds of toxic, stinking thinking to climb up in the driver’s seat of your heart and start telling you what to do. Scorecards give us permission to play the comparison game, so we overlook our own mess and focus on the mess of other folks. Hey, compared to them, I’m not so bad just the way I am!
Listen, when we start keeping scorecards in the family, with our friends, or in the church, no one wins. But yet, we can all very easily fall into keeping these emotional scorecards.
Watch out for the big ticket items which help the elephant in the room to thrive and prevents every effort to deal with it, and that’sconvenience.....We live in a society that is addicted to Convenience.... During the pandemic when so many businesses were struggling, a guy walks into a convenience store...And he says, "I'm looking for a job." The store owner replies, "You're in luck! We have an open position that pays $10,000 per a month, and you only work when it’s convenient!"The guy says, "You've got to be joking." The store owner says, "Well, you started it." Our modern world emphasizes doing or not doing things, based on how convenient it is. We’re family as long as it's convenient for me...for my lifestyle, and for my needs, if its convenient for my schedule, and my priorities. It's why we have drive-thrus, Google, banking online, shopping online, online movies, shows on-demand, microwavesand on and on.... I want it now, I want it at my convenience.... It’s too inconvenient to attend church, I can do it on internet.... It’s too inconvenient to call someone, I’ll face book them... it’s too inconvenient to take time to read the bible, I’ll tune into a Youtube scripture for today...
In New Roads, Louisiana, there is a drive-in mortuary. For the convenience of time-pressed mourners, the deceased is displayed before a five-by-seven picture window. Friends and relatives can drive up to the window and pay last respects without getting out. The owner says it’s for those who find it inconvenient to attend a funeral service....and speaking of convenience, Scientists from the Universities of Dundee and Edinburgh have formulated a new recipe for an ice cream that doesn’t melt. Let’s not have the inconvenience of melted ice cream...Please! Now you can eat your non-melting ice cream while you drive through your convenient funeral service!
I hate to burst your bubble, but Christianity isn’t convenient, love isn’t convenient, the life of faith is not convenient....
When the apostle Paul was brought before Felix, he shared the gospel with him and scripture says Felix was terrified, and said “leave me and I will speak to you at a more convenient season”...... How easy it is to blame our unwillingness, our disobedience, our rebellion, and our compromise on inconvenience.... and we kick the can further down the road for later, but later never comes... and forgiveness never comes, and freedom never comes and deliverance never happens...
If you could talk to Felix today, right now this moment... He would say, stop putting off what you need to do because it’s inconvenient. Dealing with the “Elephant in the room”...is never convenient. Love is not convenient, The Christian faith and practice is not convenient, Healthy families, and strong friendships, and spiritually dynamic churches are not convenient!
Love doesn't give up just because the circumstances tell us to. Love doesn't give up when we’ve been hurt, rejected or offended. Love doesn't give up when the family dynamics changes. Love doesn't give up when it’s no longer convenient for us.
We need to stop chasing after convenience and settle for nothing less than Agape love, servant love, which is Christ love!
1 John 4:6 “We are of God. He who knows God hears us; he who is not of God does not hear us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error. 7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 In this the love of God finds its deepest expression toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live our lives through Him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the complete reconciliation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another with the same love.”
The only thing that has the potential to erase and overcome our Elephant in the room.. Is FORGIVENESS.... First forgive yourself for failing to deal with your elephant, then give yourself permission to take whatever measures you need to as you confront the elephant you’ve ignored for so long. Forgiveness doesn’t overlook failure, it overcomes failures.
But watch out for selective forgiveness.
I'll forgive him for that, but not for that. I'll forgive her for doing this, but if she ever does that, I'm out. There's a line and if you cross it, then it's over. You can’t put a threshold of forgiveness, because then it becomes demanding again, and selfish again.....
If God, had put a threshold and drawn a line on forgiveness, I would have crossed over, and gone way beyond that line, years ago.
The servant heart doesn’t say, “Do to them before they do to you,” It says, “Do unto them as you would have them do unto you.”....
Today we tear up our score cards, we no longer use the excuse that it’s not convenient, we let go of disobedience, and we face the elephant in the room that we have avoided.
And no matter how difficult it is... “no matter what the elephantis”.... freedom, peace, joy, intimacy, contentment and full life in Christ is waiting on the other side of that. The price of obedience is not nearly as great as the cost of continuing in disobedience...
What about when you obey and nothing seems to change.... In Mark 8: 22 Gives us a scene recounting one of Jesus' many healing miracles. All Jesus' healings are extraordinary, but this one is very surprising, because when Jesus prayed, the man still couldn’t see clearly! Jesus takes the blind man, spits on his eyes, lays hands on him, and — ta-da! — the man should see. Well, no, not quite. What the man says is that he can't see clearly yet . When he looks around he says, I see people but they look like trees walking around. In other words it’s all very cloudy....( when nothing has happened yet, instead of coming to a conclusion, which would bring us into doubt and unbelief…. we need to stay in faith and say instead… “to be continued”)This one is a miracle in the works!
I want to give everyone an “elephant in the room” so you can identify it for what it is! You may even want to write down a description of it and the steps you need to take....Becauseacknowledging that it is there, helps us to no longer avoid it, ignore it or put it off...
It may be the thing you know you need to do in order to move beyond this place you’re stuck in, or what you’ve avoided, but nolonger!!!
There’s too much at stake.... your peace, your fuller life, and your freedom. And it’s not just about you, because others can move on in their lives as you move on in yours. It has a domino effect which is set in motion...
Joshua 1:2 “Now therefore arise, you and all these people, and cross over into the land that I am giving to you. 3 I have given you every place where the sole of your foot will tread, just as I promised”
May God give us all the power, determination, and resolve to finally face the “Elephants in the Room”....
Let’s come forward and stand in faith and God’s love together. Let this be a crossing over, and a moving beyond...bring your elephant with you...and start the journey today into getting a handle on that thing that has been put off, ignored and put aside too long....
Prayer..... Heavenly Father, I open my heart wide to receive your pure, complete love today. I open up and receive Your healing and restoring power as I overcome the obstacles I am facing. I believe, and affirm Your miraculous power to make all things possible. Lord You are the full expression of all that I need and the source of my joy, my strength and my freedom. Heal in me, whatever You see that needs healing, as I receive Your wholeness and restoration. Free me of any fear or unbelief from my heart as I lay my life before You. I am praying for a miracle that can only come from You and I am willing, ready, and waiting. Wherever there are strongholds, demonic influences and spiritual attacks, I receive Your Spirit and truth to rise up within me and allow me to conquer the darkest enemy, break the strongest barrier, and silence the greatest deceiver. Help me to remember the reason I began. Help me to see the purpose behind Your plan. Thank you for grace and favor as I find strength for the next step and keep believing that miracles are possible. I am laying claim to my personal victory today in Your name and by Your Almighty power. Your redeeming light frees me, gives me peace, and snatches me back from the enemy’s grip. I receive my blessing today. In Jesus name, Amen.
We Start With Jesus, We Stay With Jesus, We End With Jesus!
Psalm 110:1 ”The Lord said, “Sit at My right hand (the place of favor) until I make your enemies into your footstool. 2 For the Lord extends your authority, so that you may rule in the midst of your enemies.”
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